Because I think a lot! - Leisure!

I think a lot, because I have a lot of time on my hands now! A lot of leisure time! A time without deadlines looming over, without the anxiety of a submission or just a feeling of something that is yet to be done!

And I soo don't know how to be like this!

What to do after everything is done? I never knew this could be a question! There have been so many things to do all the time! And they are still here, but somehow I still have time left..

When I realised this for the first time, the autopilot in my brain straight away took me on a ride of overthinking! Having free time is equal to not doing enough, which basically is not being competent, which means I am lacking and not being the best version of myself! So many wrong turns we took, I know!

As a young person, I have always known that the busier you are, the better! Use all the energy, brain and breath! That is how it should be! I loved my schools, studies, extracurriculars and all the things I can add to this list. That time it was fun to not have leisure time...

But now, in my 9 to 5 life, I can tick off the list and be free! Can focus on my hobbies and stuff, join some groups, learn an instrument, and do all the bizarre things I can think of...

But the first step, to do any of these things, is being okay with doing none of them! Being comfortable and learning to enjoy this leisure time! Allowing myself to be okay with time-pass!I feel accepting this needs something deeper to change at the core. Most of the people around me, from books and movies, all are always working, aren't they? They are struggling, hustling, and running and crashing, and doing actions worth many more similar verbs! Their goals move further and further away as they run towards them, or become larger with each step they achieve, until the story ends!

Then I realised something. Many of the films and books end at the happily ever after, not bothering to focus on what comes after! Somehow we have always glorified the hustle of big wins more than the 'Sukun' of living small ones! When the troubles of the journey become the center, the destination, or rest stop for that matter, holds little to no value! 

But now I am re-learning to think of these 'leisure-rest stops'! Who knows.. They might be the real destinations!  

Does it make sense?!